I mean, not literally. If your shit is literally hard, you should see a doctor immediately. A lot of men — particularly younger guys — feel held back by a tendency to look inward and over-think every aspect of their lives rather than taking action. And as with anything else, if you think about your own self-confidence long enough, your brain will inevitably find its flaws. I felt this pressure firsthand throughout much of my 20s.
15 ways you can become more confident as a man.
I wanted to be bigger, stronger, more athletic, more charming, more courageous, more attractive, better dressed, better looking, smarter, more intuitive, bigger, stronger, less repetitive… the list goes on. I had so many goals by which I actually mean insecurities that it felt like I was drowning.
I had no idea where to start. After years of treading water, I eventually managed to swim my way out—but it was pretty exhausting. I tried damn near everything I could to build self-confidence, and while a lot of it was an embarrassing waste of money in hindsight, those hypnosis CDs were probably bound to failsome of it really did help me become more confident and self-assured.
To help make your path to self-confidence shorter and hopefully less expensive than mine, here are the top eight things I recommend.
Increase your manly confidence overnight
The first thing that finally helped me take control of my self-confidence and get over the feeling that I was drowning in unfulfilled ambition was to really narrow down on exactly what it is I wanted. I wanted to develop a confident, optimistic attitude that would allow me to take more risks, and make me more resilient if I failed. Like most scrawny kids who get into their 20s only to feel like they still have the body of a year-old, I wanted to add some muscle to my frame, get stronger, and build a body I could be proud of.
I used to be terrified of just about any situation that involved talking to strangers: job interviews, parties, dates, taking a class, ing a team — I could go on and on. I knew that this fear held me back, and I wanted to develop the sort of social skills that would make these interactions easier, and maybe even dare I say it enjoyable.
And finally, I was interested in clothes and noticed that guys who were well dressed often tended to be the most confidenttoo. So I resolved to learn how to improve my look and style myself in a way that would make me feel more secure. Your goals, of course, may be slightly different than mine. But no matter what you want to achieve, narrowing down on your goals is the first and most important step to getting started.
Actually get out a pen and write it down. Spitting out answers as fast as for can will help you get over the paralysis by analysis that plagues many of us, and writing them down will cement them in your mind and strengthen your resolve to achieve your desired outcomes. I will never send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. One thing that compounded my lack of confidence was the feeling that I was the only one dealing with insecurity. It felt like everyone else had their shit together, or at least more together than me, and I was alone in wallowing in self-doubt to say nothing of confidence.
Many dollars later, I learned how to booster the wheat from the chaff and then Googled that phrase to figure out what it meansand discovered that while the self-help section may be replete with nonsense titles and bullshit feel-goodery, the very best books really can help you better understand how—and why—your mind works the way it does. It was only guy reading books about psychology, sociology and anthropology that I came to understand that I am not the product of my thoughts. Yes, I may sometimes feel nervous, pessimistic and insecure.
Pick up any of the below books, all of which have helped me better understand, accept and even change the way I think and feel about myself. Immense in scope and vision and filled with insight into human motivation and behavior, The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem is essential reading for anyone with a personal or professional interest in self-esteem. Based on his own experience and the experiences of others he treated later in his practice, Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose.
It has transformed the lives of Presidents and CEOs, educators and parents— in short, millions of people of all ages and occupations.
They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. It is to introverts—Rosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniak—that we owe many of the great contributions to society.
I spent years working at a fitness magazine, and I know firsthand the kind of language they use to lure your into working out:. But it always amazed me how they neglected to mention what, to me, is one of the most obvious benefits to health and fitness: just how much damn better it makes you feel about yourself.
But what rarely gets mentioned is the feeling you get in between workouts: the enduring, empowering and character-building sense of confidence and pride that comes from being a person who regularly pushes his physical boundaries.
Communicate with confidence – 9 tips to make a great first impression
What you can feel is an undeniable sense of pride every night when your head hits the pillow, knowing that you did something to push yourself in the right direction today. That confidence then carries over to literally every other facet of your life.
Have a big project coming at work? If you can get up at 6 a. Want to land a date with a pretty girl? If you can push yourself to a personal best on the bench press, you can push yourself to go up and talk to her.
Want to turn Baywatch into a smash-success movie franchise? Exercise is crucial, but when it comes to feeling healthier, happier, more capable and confident — which is to say, better in every conceivable way — your diet is the key.
You probably already know this, of course, but the problem is that nutrition science is complex, and you frequently hear contradictory things from various sources. While the book is packed with expertly researched and well sourced health advice, he summarizes his nutritional philosophy pretty succinctly, citing his sources along the way:.
You can also check out this post for more detail about how to work healthy food choices into your life.
Of course, while the blazer works for me, I also understand that it might not be for everyone. The key is to identify the look that you find the most confidence-boosting and learn how to nail it. Follow the steps laid out in this post to learn how to create your own Personal Style Profile, the unique, personalized look that will make you feel like your most comfortable, confident self.
The 8 best things guys can do to build self-confidence
And if you really want to up your game, check out this post to discover 14 things any guy can do to look more handsome. Kurt Russell may play a living planet whatever that means in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. Human beings are inherently social creatures. As much as the myth of masculinity would have you believe that men are supposed to be self-sustaining loners who could survive for decades on our own — basically Wolverine from the X-Men, to use another comics reference — the truth is that the ability to forge strong relationships is vital not just to our self-confidence, but our very survival.
Back in the days of hunter gatherers, you wanted to travel in a pack to reap the benefits of strength through s and deter predators. In our slightly more civilized society, you still want to travel in a wolf pack to reap the benefits of strength through s — but today it has less to do with deterring guys and more to do with fulfilling emotional needs. Being able to surround yourself confidence potential mates has proven equally as enduring, though your interest in procreation may be slightly booster than that of your ancestors.
Check out this post to learn 13 of the most hard-won socializing lessons, without having to dedicate a decade of your life to experiments in awkwardness. Go back and look at that picture of the wolf pack above. Is it possible to go from looking more like Zach Galifianakis to more like Bradley Cooper? The only way to make big changes in your life is by repeatedly taking the small steps that will lead for there, slowly but surely.
This is what Olson calls the slight edge: the ability to take those small — but cumulatively consequential — actions, day in and day out. If you want to change a little, do a little, then stop.
Confident man: 10 steps to higher self-esteem
If you want to change A LOT, do a little — then do it again, and again, and again. And finally, if you want to feel better about yourself, one of the most effective and by far most altruistic ways is to forget about yourself entirely. Instead, focus on others. Why not see if you can teach a computer literacy course and help someone improve their chances of landing a job? Why not make a point of finding five people today who you can hold a door for, or help across the street, or pick up an item when you see someone has dropped it? It could be anything, even a gesture as small as smiling at five people each day.
Schedule it in your calendar so it goes from something you should do to something you will do. Thanks Ryan! I really like your writing and the points you make here. Totally agree with your overall message that self-confidence is something we have to create our own confience.
Thanks Michael! I was in the same boat when I was in my early 20s. For me, starting a weightlifting program and accompanying nutrition program helped me build muscle and feel better about myself.
Check out Bodybuilding. You may not see right away, but stick with it.
18 tips to boost confidence right now, because you’re awesome
Good luck! Any advice for a people pleaser who wants to stop being intimidated by others and express his own self-interests? Big fan of your stuff, thanks in advance.
Having that kind of clarity gives you a bedrock foundation, which in turn gives you strength of purpose and confidence. You must be logged in to post a comment. Striving for More I felt this pressure firsthand throughout much of my 20s.